I’m AweSTRUCK

 

Nearing my big day….

many says i have lost pounds
some say it will be the most stressful time of my life.. (i agree. Thank God it’s only once a lifetime!)
i am truly busy with lots of planning, designing, and other stressful major and patty stuffs
i’m also juggling it with my assignments and master subjects
i have datelines to worry, and datelines to set
i have lots of things to prepare for the shifting of house
loads of cleaning and scrubbin to be done at new premises
appreciation gifts, little here and there(s) are costly $$

my list can go on.. and BORE YOU!

BUT still i’m awestruck! Last wednesday i preached in my church about the worth of serving God and that is JOY! A common word that we discount it’s worth and take it for granted. We minimize the limits of joy many a times

But at this juncture of life, season and time. I found the Joy of God has been more that just it has been my STRENGTH. It sustained me through my long-list of , listed above.

My joy came in terms of speedy recovery from flu, people being a BLESSING and Providence from God, warehouse sales, mega sales all contributed to us being able to get our necessities for the shiftings.

The most amazing thing is that God worked for me every single detail of my big day. God helped in terms of idea for designing, the right location to call up to book, the place to look for the gifts and stuffs we need, providing people to bless us in many ways (financially, materially, skill, ideas, manpower).

I’m awestruck SO AWESTRUCK how REAL GOD can actually be. He was not like some magician that with a fling of his wand everything was perfect-that’s fantasy. BUT he was WORKING with me through the whole process and its a great comfort to know the God of the universe is part of the working team. What is there to be worried??

As the days unfolds, i am seeing that all that i ever dream of for my BIG DAY it’s actually coming true. A Dream Come True. I’m not the richest girl on the planet, if you know me i’m just an average student, serving God full time…. but still at the end I’m receiving so much I can’t count. So much with all my dreams and fantasy in it too!!! God truly knows the desires of our heart. And though so much has been received, everything has been only at a reasonably low cost!!.. Though i may not be the richest but my God of the universe owns evrything and he blesses His children RICHLY!!

Serving God is worth it….. cos’ nothing can compare to that JOY which makes God SO SO REAL in my LIFE!

 

I can lie and go back to bed knowing my dreams will come true, because God holds my DREAM & He is REAL!

Deep Thoughts

I was just thinking deeper …

What if I was told my life here on earth would be but a brief span? What would I do now?

How would I live every moment?

I guess, I will live like I never hated a single soul.

I wouldn’t fail to lift another person up even I have no ounce of strength left.

I would make sure I nurse a sick person the best I could if I was feeling weak myself

I would cheer up another person even if I felt like crying that moment

I would feed another hungry soul even if I felt total emptiness

I would give another person the support she needed even if I wished all my life for someone’s support

I would be your best friend even if I have lost many

I would give my all to ease your hurt and pain, wipe that tear, calm your fears and anxiousness, cheer you on, pray with you, even if in my lifetime no one ever did that to me

I would  look into the eye of every soul I meet in college and church and silently thank God for bringing you into my life

No matter what I’ve been through, you’ll never fail to have my smile

 

What counts that moment in time is not what others have done or what I’ve been through

but all that matters is

 the joy,  fulfillment and the comfort of knowing you have lived life being that Someone to others.

 

Depressing as it may sound but its a humble reality of life

I’m trying to accomplish these things.

Seasons of Serenity

Serenity cries out loud from this portrait,

We dream and wish our days would be such a paradise,

Where no storm clouds rise,

Where blue sea rolls with serenity,

Where crystal white waves crashes against the secure rocks at bay,

Oh what an Eden to just live at the bay of such serenity.

 

I do not doubt neither will I deny this feeling,

But I have discover that seasons of serenity is everywhere around us,

I did not realize this till I found myself in the darkest nights,

Then like a little glimmer, I saw a faint light,

A faint light of hope, upon which I fixed my eyes on,

Like a sailor lost in the open sea, fixing his eyes on the ray from a lighthouse,

The massive darkness is drown by that little ray of light,

Serenity calmed my fears and I could see that day will soon break into the night sky,

Hope built courage to battle through the storm,

Each time I managed to rise when the waves crashed over me,

I’m humbled that the Rock of Ages was always my solid rock on wish I stand,

I guess, with that Glimmer of  LIGHT, each day, each life’s journey, no matter what the season,

It’s still the Season of Serenity.

Through The Seasons

Through the seasons…..

LORD I have to just say thank you that I’m more Alive with each passing season

Through the seasons…..

Every step is a  miracle of GRACE, HOPE, FAITH & LOVE

Are They? or Are They Not?

Given?…Yes. Given Much.

Shared?…Yes. Shared everythg GOOD even to the point of sharing with them my BEST part of life.

Helped?…Yes. Helped them when ever I it comes to my knowledge that they are down or needed me.

Friendly? Never see when I have not been

 

WHAT’S WRONG THEN? IS IT WITH ME OR THEM? WHAT DIFFERS ME FROM THEM?

We’re of the same color, same gene maybe the only difference is the gap of years………

well..I cant live up to every single person’s expectations. I am who I am. Yes it upsets me in certain ways but what DOESNT KILL WILL MAKE ME STRONGER.

I’ve lived through these kinds of storms many times. But here it comes again. I DREAD but I’ll have to battle it the way i always do!!

 

As I battle the question will always remain  “Are They? or Are They Not?”

Storm Clouds Approaching..The Question Lurks.... But Still I Will Rise Above the Storms

Adapting To It

Adapting to the silence

may not know the reason for it

 

I will judged not

I will speak not

I will act not

All I’ll do is be still

and know that You are God

Leadership – A New Perspective

Leadership to me is more of a responsibility rather than a high position or some sort of priviledge to be heading something.

For me… I’ve never been really declared a LEADER.. though I’m in Bible School, a pastor’s kid, someone people all know in the church but still I am not given position on a silver spoon. Till now i’m am just serving in whatever given to me.. Nothing big or significant maybe not even leading people or a given a group of people to lead…

I’m not like some people whom their names will always go up the list when it comes to leadership positions. I may not even be officially selected or officially trained to be a “leader-to-be”.

Plain and simple.. I’m just being trained sometimes with no promises of any position from anywhere. I’m just trained because of what I know as the call to be His servant. Ask me if i do get envious or jealous of people whose names just fly up the list when it comes to being a leader or people who come into Bible school with already a goal to be trained and go back and lead in some specific department or ministry???  Yes sometime i honestly do get discouraged and i ask God where am i heading to. Why isn’t there a specific goal prepared for me or a specific direction to where i’m heading?

Somehow.. after the Global Leadership Summit, one thing for me is clear. The call is clear..the adventure is clear.

The road may not be clear, opportunities and open doors may not come easy and swift, my name may not always be up the leadership list, neither will i always be given the chance to lead or even be known as a leader, I may feel inadequate being in a conference of all leaders and people who leads in someway.

But I was still encouraged that is the adventure of following God and His plan that should be my focus. It may never be glamorous or recognized in my entire lifetime but I want to be a leader to everyone i meet. When i say leader i mean – EXAMPLE. i want to reflect exemplary values. I dont have to wait to be a leader of a great ministry or a leader of a youth group to start learning leadership skills. If i can be a leader to everyone I meet by being a godly example; I count that all joy

Thank God for a new perspective of LEADERSHIP!!

One Fleeting Moment

Life is one fleeting moment in time;

There is no time to keep looking to left and envying friends’ riches

There is no time to keep looking to the right and admiring what other’s are achieving

There is only time to live my own life like it’s my last 5 minutes and then start it all over again….

Soon life will be over,

before you even acomplish everything you ever dreamed or planned

but every 5 minutes you lived as if it was your last 5 minutes,

matter will make your fleeting moment here

a life well-lived.

 

dear God help me remember this and not get distracted…. Amen 

Have You Ever Felt …..

Frustrated

 

 

 Tear drops as you tried to swallow back the lump in your throat

 

 Rejected no matter how much you tried to prove something about yourself

 

Forced to shut up. Your voice is not wanted

Lost and Lonely in a crowd

 

These are real feelings HUMANs have… what will you do when you go through these feelings? Or what will you do if someone else is going through this?

 

You Call that Genuine??

Oh well, something turn up this week in church.. and yeah I’m worn out by this phrase “I did it genuinely but…..” Okay they did it genuinely and then things turned sour and all they do is leave the whole heap of mess they created out of their so called ”genuineness” for others to clean up… and the most sickening part is still they go around innocently saying, “I did it genuinely”.

Yeah right!! This obviously shows of one’s immaturity more than genuineness. Immature because you wanted to try to handle things on your on without seeking advise. Then as you go ahead with your plans, you had no common sense and discernment to discern what is really going on and that it is just not the right thing for you to continue with your plans. Eventually things turned sour. Still you are not willing to give up, you just had to proove you know something. So you went on trying to fix things entirely on your own again without wanting to seek advise. Finally when everything backfire, you come running back to the nest like some innocent chick crying,”but but.. i did it genuinely”. Then hide behind, waiting and watching for someone to clear the mess you created.

Why can’t Christians, I’m not talking about newborn believers but I’m talking about 6-7 year old christians, who seems to be those really devoted ones, can obliviously act so immaturely after all these years of knowing what the Bible is talking about. Maybe with their little knowledge of the Word of God, they just think they know it all and confidently think they can lead a stray sheep back to the foe all by themselves. No matter how much knowledge we have, we can never ever say “I know enough to act on my own”. I’ve known of pastors, who may be holding Masters or PhDs in theology, but still are as humble as any other lay-Christians; living life and guiding their churches in total dependance of the Almighty One who is the HEAD of the CHURCH.

I just feel that in this modern age, people now do not just gain knowledge to be able to serve but rather knowledge is now snapped up to elevate oneself. Jesus, even with his exceedingly vast knowledge of everything, He came not to be elevated but rather, He came to stoop low and wash the feet of sinners. He came to be stripped bare and branded as a criminal. He came to give up everything He had all for a bunch of greedy, cruel, self-centered, sinful people who never deserved Him.

I guess when we say we are Christians, we better be Christians who don’t just have knowledge all clogged up in our brains but never ooze out the aroma of Christ. We should be Christians who conciously know the heart of the Gospel that we believe in. The heart of the Gospel is not thick books of Theologies but the heart of the Gospel is all about God who became man, saved us even when we do not deserve it. When the heart of the Gospel is imprinted deep in our hearts, we will find ourselves living conciously everyday not for ourselves. The great impact of a selfless man hung out for us, will cause us to crucify selfishness and reach out to others.

Spirituality is not an excuse for blind genuineness. I would never tolerate anyone who simply say because they are spiritual, everything they do is genuine whether is is right or wrong, it is just simply genuineness. I would just simply think they are dumb and neither spiritual nor genuine. Genuineness is not something we can make it happen. Genuineness is a reflection that our selfishness has been crucified. In what we so call “blind genuiness”, all that is crucified is common sense and discernment. And this people end up most of the time looking more spiritually dumb rather than spiritual.

Sad to say, there are many who still will not agree to this or worst ignorant to this.

However upsetting or frustrating this can be, all we can do is pray that the body of Christ will look again into their hearts again and rethink what actually is the heart of the Gospel.