Dear Child, I Hear You

 

Dear Child,

I heard your frustrations when no one hears it

I heard you clearer than ever even in the times when you tried to voice it out to others

I heard your heart break and your feelings crushed when others brought back a piece of achievement metal

I heard you even when you did not try to tell me but you countlessly desperately told someone else

I heard it all way before you felt this way

I heard you when the people you talk to were too busy gaining grounds and titles

I heard you when the one you trusted has their own agenda

I heard your heart weep silently when you watched others weep for joy

I heard your wishes when you hear people have supporters and cheerers making their achievement a possibility

I heard you when you feel rejected and neglected  somtimes by the ones I gave as your family and companion

I heard the times you wanted to burst out

I heard the days you feel like stabbing someone

I heard the times you wish to have the power to just blow things off

I heard the hours you had to battle controlling your emotions and feelings

I heard when you had to willfully love and give

I heard when you thought by supporting you would gain likewise

I heard the dissapointments and regrets

I heard you struggle through the weeks

I heard when your physical body shattered and broke down

I heard the discomfort and pain

 

I heard you but I have not left you, my child

I heard it all when no one really or can ever hear

I hear you well enough to say

“hang on to the gifts and goals I have for your life”

I will bring it into completion

I love You my Child, my precious Child

 

Love,

Daddy who’s in Heaven

Deep Thoughts

I was just thinking deeper …

What if I was told my life here on earth would be but a brief span? What would I do now?

How would I live every moment?

I guess, I will live like I never hated a single soul.

I wouldn’t fail to lift another person up even I have no ounce of strength left.

I would make sure I nurse a sick person the best I could if I was feeling weak myself

I would cheer up another person even if I felt like crying that moment

I would feed another hungry soul even if I felt total emptiness

I would give another person the support she needed even if I wished all my life for someone’s support

I would be your best friend even if I have lost many

I would give my all to ease your hurt and pain, wipe that tear, calm your fears and anxiousness, cheer you on, pray with you, even if in my lifetime no one ever did that to me

I would  look into the eye of every soul I meet in college and church and silently thank God for bringing you into my life

No matter what I’ve been through, you’ll never fail to have my smile

 

What counts that moment in time is not what others have done or what I’ve been through

but all that matters is

 the joy,  fulfillment and the comfort of knowing you have lived life being that Someone to others.

 

Depressing as it may sound but its a humble reality of life

I’m trying to accomplish these things.

Family Breaker

Dear Parents,

Value your kids,

No matter their mistakes 

They are yours Given to you by God

They may seem dissapointing at times

But they’re the best gift

That even Jesus never forbids them

He hugs them and love them

And he’s telling you the same

Love them just as they are

Don’t compare them to others

For each of your gift is unique, special

And one of its kind

 

If you value others more than the gift you have

You will loose your very own gift

Your gift will look right into your eyes

But to only see you looking at the kid next door

Your gift will have no choice

But to seek another strong arms

Another looking eyes

Another hearing ears

Another person to call mommy’

Maybe Another mommy who also had stopped looking at her own gift

 

Ironic or weird you may find these words

But it’s nothing but a reality

If I were the kid and mommy is only concern of another’s kid

It would have hurt so much

It would make me wanna tell that other kid

“where’s ur mommy?” “Stop Stealing My Mommy”

 

No longer daddy’s girl

No longer the pride of the family

But Someone else

Someone alien

Someone outside

Has taken over my place

 

Dear Parents,

Don’t see your family break

By Stop Being a FAMILY BREAKER!!

 

Start by cherishing your gift

Hold on

Work through with them

Walk with them through their ups and downs

Stand by their side no matter what

 And when another mommy’s looking eyes is hunting them out

Your gift will see but not be moved because “My Very Own Mommy Loves Me”

Mommy may not be the best

But she never stop triying of gave up being MY MOMMY

A Love That Never Fails

So long, I’ve protected you from the truth

So long, I struggled to make you the one

But tonight I told you the truth

Tonight I reveal to you the struggles

Tonight I told you about the memories I battle with

 

I have the options, you let me have the choice

Tempted to run back to the memories

But I know that is impossible

Because the memories may be lost

Tempted to just flee the reality and be gone

But I know all that awaits me then would be the pain of all my losses

And added to that is the pain of seeing your wound

 

 

I guess our journey now leads us to the real ocean

I’m now determine to be the best at making your life complete

Not mine but yours

I may have my losses and my painful memories

But these will propel me to be the best you ever have

I will not waste your love

 

When I’m unable to say the words

I will say those words with my actions and double it too

When the memories hit at me hindering me to be what I pledge to be

I will fight it off and hold on to you ever more tightly

When the pictures of the streets and bridges I have once crossed floods my mind

I will look you in the eyes and thank God you are the man of my life

When the scars of history reappear and the wounds seems to hurt

I will find my strength in you

 

I am forever grateful for

your love

your prayers

your support

and your willingness to walk through with me this dark side of me

 

Love,

Your Girl

If Only Someone Could Hear Me

EVERYDAY…

the words haunt me

makes me confused, discouraged, alone and outcast

Evryday I question myself about the accusations and the remarks against me

I really don’t understand why

Why would someone, who is least expected to do such thing, does this to me

Why would he hold such contempt against me

Why would he gather forces against me

Even when I have nothing against them

Why can’t he walk his talk

I Really Don’t Know

I wish I could ask him or someone why

But I don’t seem to be able to find anyone who has the answers

Dear God Please Bring Justice & Turn The Tide

I’m At The Breaking Point

At home yet not

 

P/S :Thanks Lionel for being there

My 3rd Year Ended

My 3rd year in BCM has just ended. All that stress from assignments, work, duties have all come to a sudden halt. Yesterday was the finale of the year- the Graduation Exercise. For as much as I feel happy for the graduates, I’m always asking myself when will be my turn? how will it be like?…. Anyway the day passed smoothly. I gave my best on the key board. It may be the last time for me to be able to play at the graduation exercise since i wil be part-time next year or maybe graduating next year. I was glad I gave my best.

the past few days before the graduation exercise was full of events, happening, work and more work. Besides the much things that needed to be done, much things i learned, seen, and realized too. In terms of the people around me, my self, my peers etc…. it was rather interesting as well as saddening at times.

One of the treasured times this week was the evening with 4 other girlfriends. We hung out at Midvalley, ate at dominos and had a good time to really talk like we seldom do, laugh which we almost never did for a long time, and pamaper our taste buds. Interestingly WE DIDN’T SHOP!! it was a worthwhile time of sharing and bonding. I really enjoyed that evening!

 

Now i’m sitting here in the church office. It’s the first day of the holidays. Sometimes its hard to cope with no work, no college, too free…. LOL…..

Martha’s World

Sometimes it feels like being in a Martha’s world and watching everyone holding this sign….

Everyone is engrossed with running with their career, running after their dreams, busy with their cliques, having and organizing a line-ups of activities with peers etc. etc.

Whatever I’m watching them being a today’s Martha…. busy in some ways……

Not say its bad to be busy…. I’m watching them being busy yet they are achieving things in life, gaining experiences, adding more to their life, maturing, having opportunities after opportunities… ITS LIKE THERE’S SO MUCH FOR THEM….

WASN’T THIS ALSO MY ASPIRATION BEFORE?????

But… But…

when will be my turn

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One Fleeting Moment

Life is one fleeting moment in time;

There is no time to keep looking to left and envying friends’ riches

There is no time to keep looking to the right and admiring what other’s are achieving

There is only time to live my own life like it’s my last 5 minutes and then start it all over again….

Soon life will be over,

before you even acomplish everything you ever dreamed or planned

but every 5 minutes you lived as if it was your last 5 minutes,

matter will make your fleeting moment here

a life well-lived.

 

dear God help me remember this and not get distracted…. Amen 

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